We had a Men’s Fellowship tonight and the topic was relationships. When I got home I wrote this:
Relationships
Men struggle with relationships. Children don’t have near as much trouble with them as grown men do. What is it that we’re learning that is producing socially maladjusted humans, incapable of having a heart to heart relationship that is meaningful, nurturing, lasting and fruitful?
Boys Don’t Cry
I remember coming to school in 4th grade having forgotten to bring some sort of potted plant for a group activity. I remember crying and my teacher rebuking me for crying. Subconscious take note: crying is bad! It’s looked down upon by those around you! You won’t be accepted if you cry! Fear speaks next: “Yeah that’s right! You know you don’t want to be lonely. Do the things that will make you socially acceptable and desirable.” Crying I’m done with you. You haven’t served me well.
Hide Your Heart
At some point along the way we take our heart and hide it behind some pretty serious and strong defenses. It becomes so difficult to be who we are that we begin to doubt that who we are is really worth being.
When there is lack of a polarizing force in our lives, one who is desirable to imitate, trustworthy and virtuous; we look for something to connect with. Anything interesting will substitute, we can make it work as long as it will hold our interest and give us purpose. We don’t know who we are so we’re looking for definition candidates.
If we’re fortunate enough to find out our personal giftedness (some never do) we can put all of our eggs in that basket. We can draw our personal definition from that.
A godly, loving trustworthy father should be that polarizing force in our lives; the one who tells us or defines for us right and wrong; the one who speaks into our lives and tells us who we are; the one who has the insight to look at us and see the gem or gems inside us; the one who takes (or makes) the time to speak to us and grant us purpose. That is what a father should do. That is a major role for him; at least in a child’s life.
Men’s hearts are hidden because the man not only wants it hidden but because it loses so much value in his sight that he may not even know where he hid it.
The Answer
Although I had a father who did the positive things I mentioned above there are many to whom this being described above doesn’t exist. It’s just a dream or a worthless fairy tale. Surely someone like that couldn’t exist in this life! Au contraire! I knew him. He was my father. He did speak into my life and at just the right time when he was helpless to continue and fulfill this role in my life I switched fathers. I came upon a new relationship that filled every gap. That gave me purpose.
I met Him through His Son, Jesus. I love the Lord. He’s everything to me. My heart is free to come out and play. I’m free to be who I am. I am not alone. My father loves me and approves me. He likes me.
I’m satisfied with who I am. I got this from my Father(s).
Love ya
Joe
Joseph Barlow 
Excellent Jo Ann
LikeLike
Pastor, I know you wanted responses from guys so I hope it’s ok for a gal to post her thoughts. (smile).I loved what you said:“My heart is free to come out and play. I’m free to be who I am. I am not alone. My father loves me and approves me. He likes me.I’m satisfied with who I am. I got this from my Father”.And isn’t it so true that Faith shines brightest in a childlike heart?Although I grew up in a physically, verbally, and emotionally, abusive home, the Lord has MORE than made up for any dysfunction of my past. He is my Abba Daddy. No person or thing could ever fill the void in my life except Jesus. Nothing even comes close to the unconditional “Agape” love, acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness that I receive daily from my heavenly Father. He is my all in all, my complete sustenance and I can’t imagine one day without Him. He has truly helped me build strong relationships and more importantly, learn trust. I now realize that because my relationship with the Lord is built on a strong foundation, I don’t have to fear relationships with others. Yes, I may get hurt or someone might let me down by not following through with what they promised but I have to realize that I may have done this at sometime to someone also in the past. But,the main thing is, is that the Lord will never hurt you or let you down. What he promises He means. He gives you his Word on it. 🙂Your post also reminded me of this story I heard once from Joanie Yoder.One Sunday I heard Mike talk about his relationship with his two fathers—the one who raised him as a child, and his Father in heaven.First he described his childhood trust toward his earthly father as “simple and uncomplicated.” He expected his dad to fix broken things and to give advice. He dreaded displeasing him, however, because he often forgot that his father’s love and forgiveness always followed.Mike continued, “Some years ago I made a mess of things and hurt a lot of people. Because of my guilt, I ended a happy, simple relationship with my heavenly Father. I forgot that I could ask Him to fix what I had broken and seek His advice.”Years passed. Eventually Mike became desperate for God, yet he wondered what to do. His pastor said simply, “Say you’re sorry to God, and mean it!”Instead, Mike asked complicated questions, like: “How does this work?” and “What if . . .?”Finally his pastor prayed, “Please, God, give Mike the faith of a child!” Mike later testified joyfully, “The Lord did!”That day Mike found closeness with his heavenly Father. The key for him and for us is to practice the simple and uncomplicated faith of a child.Have you noticed that the childlike faithOf a little girl or boyHas so often shown to older folksHow to know salvation’s joy?—BranonBlessings and Prayers,Jo Ann Noble
LikeLike
Good word Jeremy! Right on!Thanks
LikeLike
Fathers are meant to be a template for our relationship to God the Father. They teach us, correct us, protect and provide for us. They tell us who we are and show us what love does. So many men today never had a father who prepared them to know God the Father in this way. But for them, God promises in Psalm 68 to be a Father to the fatherless. Regardless of what your father did or didn’t do for you, God promises to make the empty, hurting place whole and set you in His family.Great post, Pastor. Sorry to have missed the fellowship last night.– Jeremy
LikeLike